8 Tips for Talking to Your Child about their Adoption

Not being able to have kids on your own is frustrating for many couples so they need these Tips for talking to Your Child About Their Adoption.

This is especially true when they’ve been working on it for years, or even decades.


Tips for talking to Your Child About Their Adoption


It’s not really the best feeling, seeing everyone around you raising children when you want them so badly yourself.

Many couples can’t cope with the fact that maybe children aren’t in the cards for them, and after many struggles and unsuccessful IVF attempts, they eventually decide for an adoption.

Certainly, many requirements have to be completed before adopting a child.

Once the process is over, the only thing left is to figure out how to introduce your child to the whole story once they are old enough to understand the world around them.

Here is some advice on how to have a conversation with your child about their adoption.


Share it when they’re still toddlers

Of course, your child doesn’t even know what the word ‘adoption’ means. But you should mention it from time to time, so they are familiar with the concept once you decide to sit them down and have a real talk later in life.

You should try to explain that you and your partner didn’t get the chance to have their own child, so it’s them you chose to love and care about.

I’m pretty sure they won’t be asking too many questions ’cause they still won’t get it, but at least you will have made a foundation for later.


Tips for talking to Your Child About Their Adoption

Photo credit Pixabay

Never wait until they are at critical puberty period

This is the worst period to talk about how they came into your life, especially if you have never mentioned it before.

We’ve heard many different stories about this, and it only made children furious and angry with the parents who adopted them for not telling them earlier.

Some of them even left their homes as an act of rebellion and didn’t want to see their parents ever again.

So, don’t wait until they’re grownups because it will only create the opposite effect.


Talk about the circumstances that made their birth mother’s decision

You could consult with your chosen adoption lawyer and the birth parents, and create a non-painful story that your child is bound to accept.

Try not to overuse the example of financial problems, as you will probably face them many times later.

It will only make your child think that you could easily give up on them and place them for adoption into a different family if things get rough.


Tips for talking to Your Child About Their Adoption

Photo credit Pixabay

Mention the story again when they are five years old

The adoption should never be a one-time topic.

Also, you must never underestimate your child’s ability to come up with some really surprising questions that will catch you off guard.

Get ready to answer thousands of questions, and make sure to answer them in a way that is sincere and age-appropriate.

If your child asks a question regarding their real parents and you’re not quite sure how to answer it, you could save your answer for later when you consult with your partner on how to answer it properly.

But don’t make them wait for the response for too long, because they might think that adoption is a bad thing and that you’re avoiding confronting them.


Tell your child about their birth mother

On the other hand, they have to know that it’s you who is raising them now, and you have kept the promise to their biological mother to be their parent forever as this was her biggest wish.

Explain that while she was carrying them in her tummy, she knew that you would love them the same as if they had grown in your belly.

She has given you her trust because she knew you would be the most amazing parent.


Never forget to tell them how happy you are that you became a family

If you also have children who aren’t adopted, they should know that you love them equally, and if you could choose again, you would still choose them.

Tips for talking to Your Child About Their Adoption

Photo credit Pixabay

Let them suffer from time to time

Not being okay is totally okay.

Your child is probably bound to experience an identity crisis, and cry over the fact that you aren’t biologically related.

Allow them to have these feelings, and explain that family isn’t a matter of blood, but a matter of love, respect and joy.


Encourage your child to decide how much they would like to share with their friends

They should choose who they share their story with, and with the amount of detail that feels right.

If it makes them uncomfortable, then they shouldn’t go too personal.

It’s their story and it’s up to them how they’re going to present it to others.

This was just a roundup of tips you could use to provide your child with the best insight into the whole story of adoption.

No matter how overwhelming it may be, never lose the patience and understanding, ’cause you didn’t come this far for no reason.

Our readers found these articles useful; What Not To Say to an Adoptive Parent, When Getting Pregnant is Not Easy, What Not to Say to a Foster Parent and Clothing Tips for Foster Parents.

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