Although most of us think that every child in foster care has been in some way neglected or abused, that isn’t always the case. While many children have been victims themselves or witnesses to some form of abuse, there are times when other factors are involved. Sometimes a parent is too sick to care for their children and other times children might become wards of the system due to the death of one or both parents.
Even so, every single child that is placed in foster care has special needs that must be met. First and foremost among those needs is love. At this vulnerable stage of their lives, the love you have to give as a foster parent will go a very long way toward the healing they need.
That Love Must Be Unconditional
Over the past several decades, the term “unconditional love” has become somewhat of a buzzword. It’s bandied about in all the self-help books lining the shelves and has gotten to such a stage that there is no clear definition of what it means to give true unconditional love. In the strictest sense of the term, to give unconditional love means to give freely from the heart with no conditions whatsoever attached.
Needless to say, if you want to become a foster parent, this is something you must be willing and able to give. You can’t very well place expectations on these children because many have not had the benefit of living in functional families. Whether they came from families where addiction was the underlying problem or even mental illness factored into a parent’s state of dysfunction, they may not have had the love and validation all children need to thrive.
Patience Is More Than a Virtue
While you may be willing to give love unconditionally, it may not be perceived as such unless you understand how to respond to how children will act out their feelings, showing signs of abuse. Some children will ball up their fists with arms held rigidly at their sides when you speak with them. Others may scream and throw temper fits, whilst others may even go so far as to begin throwing objects at walls, or worse yet, at you.
Unconditional love at times like these means being calm and empathetic while standing your ground. It’s imperative, at least in the very beginning, that you don’t let frustration and anger show through. It may take time to help these children work through emotions they were never allowed to feel before, but your patience and yes, unconditional love, can help them through the healing process.
The Help You Need Is There For You
If you find that you are having difficulties reaching these children you have come to love, the fostering agency has resources to help you learn coping mechanisms. Even parents who have children of their own may be unprepared for caring for children who have been sorely neglected, abused, or are dealing with the loss of a parent. The help is out there for you so that you can learn to express your healing love so that the children in your care will thrive. You only have to ask.
