It’s one thing to be in pain, whether from an illness or an injury, but it is a whole new ball game when you factor in the role of mothering. I have learned a few things over the last few years.
Here’s a bit of my background so you know where I’m coming from:
Table of Contents
How it Happened
Just over three years ago, I entered the third trimester of pregnancy with my second son. It was a very stressful pregnancy, and my body reacted negatively to the stress. The first 6 months of nausea was one thing, but as soon as the third-trimester hit, the pain started. If you haven’t heard of symphysis pubis dysfunction (SPD), count yourself lucky.
Basically, it means that my pelvis was out of place and causing me a lot of pain. It was painful to sit, painful to walk, and painful to lay down. To be frank, it sucked. Add the fact that I was carrying a baby in that out-of-place pelvis and that my firstborn was a toddler who still needed a lot of love and attention from his mama.
Birth Pain Recovery
After the birth, the SPD went away. There were a couple of weeks of birth pain recovery, but I was finally pain-free. Until about two months later when I slipped on the ice and threw out my back. Recovery from that took almost two months.
Then I moved couches (side note: don’t move couches four months postpartum!), and my back popped. It was just a small-sounding *pop* but boy, did it cause a lot of trouble. I spent many days nearly in tears while I held my infant son and tried to show my toddler the love and attention he needed.
My back didn’t get the rest that it needed because my newborn baby needed me more (he cried a lot and, being only four months old, didn’t know how to walk yet and, therefore, needed to be constantly carried).
Old Back Injury
After about two years, my back injury finally subsided to a dull ache with occasional flare-ups. Then we moved, and I needed help with the new farm. This meant carrying heavy buckets and grain bags daily and pitching hay and straw regularly.
And then I had a two-year-old who needed me to carry him through the snow drifts to the barn. My back flared up pretty badly again. Fast forward a few months, and I think that I’m finally over much of my back injury. But I’m pregnant, and the SPD started again. I keep telling myself, “just a few more weeks!”
Dealing with chronic pain often means finding the right pain reliever that works for you. Many mothers might reach for Tylenol to manage their pain due to its effectiveness and widespread availability.
However, it’s important to stay informed about potential concerns, such as the ongoing Tylenol autism lawsuit, which raises questions about the safety of using this medication during pregnancy. Always consult your healthcare provider to determine the best pain management strategy for your needs.
So, after 3 years of pretty much constant, and sometimes excruciating and debilitating, pain, I have learned a few things.
Ask for help
Don’t be shy, do it. People are more than willing to help. They need to be asked because they can’t read your mind. People enjoy helping someone in need so consider it a favor to them to ask.
Plan for rest
Stop (or at the very least slow down) the busyness and extracurricular commitments. Your focus needs to be on your family. Your children will appreciate you taking care of yourself more than they will appreciate the busyness.
Work in spurts
This goes hand-in-hand with rest. Plan the most important things you need to get done and spend just a few minutes getting as much done as possible. Then, take time to rest. It’s amazing how much you can get done quickly if you know what to do and stay focused on the task.
Find a way to stay positive
A gratitude journal to help you count your blessings. An in-person or online support group. Many people find comfort in reading the Psalms or other encouraging pieces of Scripture. Listen to uplifting music. Read motivational quotes and proverbs. When your head is in the right place, it is much easier to deal with pain.
Seek answers
Don’t give up on finding a solution. Look into conventional and alternative help. Ask questions of your caregivers and ask your friends.
Another great list of tips is from Marcy, a homeschooling mom with a chronic illness. She’s been dealing with this stuff much longer than I have and has compiled a great list that can be applied to any mom, not just a homeschooling mom.
Do you have any other tips that you would add to the list? Please share!
Ugh, completely agree. SPD is excruciating torture (I had it with both of my littles), and chronic anything is awful. Good pain management strategies and medical care are a necessity.
It certainly can be. I’m so glad that my chiropractor is good at helping me with it this time around. It can be hard to be joyful about the life growing inside you when you’re suffering.
I had that condition with my son (the last of 3) and I know all too well how bad the pain is. Thanks for bringing it to light so that other women can learn more about it.
I’m completely honest when people ask me how the pregnancy is going. I tell them if it’s a good day or a bad day. Honesty is what’s going to teach people. I do like to add that it’s not always easy but it’s always worth it!
I think the most important thing on your list is asking for help. So many of us want to be perfect and fail to ask for help when we truly need it.
Exactly! We feel that we need to do it on our own when, in reality, we were made for community support and we can thrive instead of just survive when we finally manage to wrap our head around that.
Great tips! It can be so hard to stay positive when in pain
It certainly can but a positive attitude can make such a difference for your own well being as well as the whole atmosphere of your household!
After I had my youngest I was in so much pain! I had a new baby at home and my older son and for some reason I just couldn’t keep up. Out of no where my aunt volunteered to come clean my home for me and make dinner for a week or 2. If she didn’t help me I have no clue how I would have done it.
Sorry to hear you had to suffer but it’s great that your aunt was able to fill that need for you!
Great advice! Asking for help is such a difficult thing for adult to do. It’s so important when raising kids though to get help so you can get better and back to your family. Best of luck with baby number 3!
I think that we can take some good lessons from children. If at first you don’t succeed, ask and adult to help. And thank you for the well wishes!