What do you imagine when you think about caregiving? In an ideal world, caregivers would closely relate to the person they care for.
The people who need care would be kind, docile and cheerful.
Perhaps you envision an elderly parent moving in with their adult child’s family and enriching everyone’s lives.
Unfortunately, this often isn’t the norm.
Caregiving can be rewarding and it’s often the right thing to do.
However, it’s probably also one of the hardest and most stressful things you’ll attempt.
Here are six things you need to know as a caregiver.
Photo by Jackson David on Unsplash
Table of Contents
Caregiving Is a Full-Time Job
Many first-time caregivers are surprised at how much work is involved in this new role.
Caregiving isn’t a hobby you can add to your life, like gardening or golf.
Instead, it becomes your priority and redefines your entire schedule. This can be especially difficult if you’re also trying to raise children or work a job.
Most older adults don’t like to accept help.
If a parent has moved into your home, they may be struggling to function independently.
They may not be able to bathe, remember meals or move around safely on their own.
Although every situation is different, caregiving tends to get more challenging until your loved one passes away.
Illness Can Change People
The human body is a complex and frail organism.
Unfortunately, many illnesses that require care can change a person’s entire personality.
For example, dementia patients often become mean and aggressive even if they were always kind throughout their previous lives.
Stress, fear and a lack of control can also bring out the worst in patients.
Many caregivers report feeling exhausted from dealing with their parents’ mood swings.
Mental illness can cause your family member to be miserable even if you’re doing everything right.
If you feel emotionally manipulated or exhausted, take a step back to remember what’s reasonable.
Protecting your peace is essential for your family and being a good caregiver.
Caregiving Is Expensive
Although every situation is different, caregiving always has a financial cost.
Because caregiving requires so much time, many caregivers quit their jobs and lose income.
Others work part-time jobs to hold everything together while they watch a parent full-time.
Paying for respite care or a nursing home can strain your finances.
Caring for an older family member means taking on their financial needs.
These can include medication, hospital bills and the everyday costs of food, clothing and personal care products.
Many older people need special equipment like hearing aids, wheelchairs and shower seats as well.
Balancing these costs with family expenses can be quite a challenge.
Support Is Your Life-Line
Caregiving is a lifestyle change that can put a lot of stress on the caregiver.
If you’re going to survive this journey, support is absolutely essential.
There is no good reason for you to do this alone.
If you have friends and family available, ask them for help and be specific about what you need.
You should also join a local or remote caregiving group for emotional support.
If you’re not an experienced caregiver — and even if you are — the job becomes quite taxing when no one helps you or allows you a break.
If you become burnt out, exhausted or ill, you won’t be able to care for your relative well.
Taking care of yourself is foundational for every other role in your life.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking you should handle this all on your own.
You are only as alone as you choose to be.
Don’t Listen to the Guilt
Many caregivers also report feeling guilty.
They’re worried they’re not doing enough and feel shame when their relatives are unhappy.
While these feelings are common, they’re also not a good representation of reality.
Only good people feel guilty — those who are truly neglecting their relatives won’t spend time dwelling on this emotion.
If you find yourself struggling with guilt, write down your thoughts and feelings.
After a few days, revisit what you wrote down.
This will help you to see whether your expectations of yourself are realistic or driven by the emotions of the moment.
You can’t be everything to everyone all at the same time.
Find Small Joys Daily
Caregivers often feel their life has been taken away from them.
In some caregiving situations, spending even five minutes on yourself can be difficult.
You’re balancing more responsibilities for yourself and others than any human should be capable of.
As a result, self-care is often the last thing on your mind or schedule.
However, ignoring your own needs is a recipe for disaster.
Eventually, you will burn out and be incapable of meeting anyone’s needs.
If you can, take a break. If you can’t, try incorporating something happy into your everyday.
For example, you could water a plant, step into the sunshine for five minutes or cook a favorite meal.
Tiny things can make a difference in your state of mind.
It’s OK to Feel Overwhelmed
As much as you might feel guilty about it, it’s very reasonable to struggle with caregiving.
You are powerful for doing the right thing even when you don’t want to.
Do your best every day and trust that it will be enough.
Ask for help so you can protect your health and continue caregiving to the best of your ability.
Your diligence and sacrifice may feel unseen, but it is invaluable.
You are incredible and you’re going to be OK.
