It might seem better to sugar-coat the hard truths of divorce, but is that really what’s best – This article will cover five reasons why it’s better to be honest about divorce with children.
Dealing with a divorce is hard on any parent.
Whether it’s amicable or not, it’s still an emotional strain that will also affect your children in some way.
Your divorce lawyers will have you covered in terms of counselling your moves throughout the divorce, but what about life outside the legalities?
It’s understandable that your priority is you children; you want to protect them at all costs from the negative effects of divorce, but how?
Firstly, children can be amazing emotional support for you and a reason to keep life in check. It might seem better, even easier, to not be open and honest about your divorce because you don’t know how they’ll handle it.
But is that really the best decision? Keep reading for five reasons why it’s best to be honest about your divorce with your children….
Table of Contents
Stops ‘Magical Thinking’ About Parents Getting Back Together
Magical thinking involves children essentially living in hope of something, in this instance it could be about both parents getting back together after a split.
Typically, one parent would move out or become absent before finalizing a divorce.
This is where magical thinking can start if situations aren’t made clear.
There are upsides to magical thinking; it can give a child a sense of comfort, confidence, and optimism.
However, when it comes to a divorce and other permanent changes, these wishful thoughts can lead to a development of anxiety and OCD in a child.
Teaches them Conflict Resolution
Conflict resolution is a social skill that many don’t handle well, even as an adult.
Most of the time, we learn how to resolve conflict from watching those closest to us and how they manage it.
For a child, how a parent acts often leads to mirrored behaviour later in life.
Given that children learn behaviour from mostly parents, you can see the importance of being as civil as possible to each other during a divorce.
It’s not to say you must be false about an ex-partner, but more that you should refrain from ‘bad mouthing’ them in front of your children.
Try to remember the bigger picture and consider everyone’s well-being.
By treating your ex-partner with respect even in testing times, such as a divorce, children are taught to do the same in their own life.
You can be upfront about the hardships you’re facing as children, can be a great emotional support.
But avoid placing false blame or biased views opinions on to them.
Stops Children from Self Blaming
Self-blame can occur when explanations aren’t given when parents separate.
It’s easy for children to start thinking it’s somehow their fault; that they’ve driven a parent away.
By explaining that the separation or divorce is nothing to do with them and that both parents still love them the same, it can reassure children and make them feel calmer about the situation.
Understandably, they may still be upset by the decision, but at least you can find peace in knowing that they know it’s not their fault that changes are happening.
Develops Emotional Maturity
Children who experience their parents’ divorce are often more emotionally mature than peers who haven’t.
Not to say that other children can’t be empathic, but those who are dealing with an emotional change such as divorce can develop a kindness and empathy towards others who are also dealing with emotional hardship.
Children may also become more resilient and adaptable in the future to any changes in their life.
We know life is full of ups and downs, so being honest about difficult times can teach them from an early age how to cope with the downs.
By developing emotional maturity at an early age, this sets them up with a solid foundation to build on later in life.
As long as both parents support the children through the emotional changes, there is no reason for divorce to negatively affect them.
Allows Both Parents Chance to Establish a New Routine
It’s quite typical that in a marriage one parent tends to take a more ‘hands on’ approach when it comes to getting them to school, helping with homework etc.
This is often just a result of co-parenting habits, and quality time with both parents as individuals can become overlooked.
By being honest about your split situation, it allows each parent to establish a new routine with the children, instead of potentially forcing ‘together time’ and trying to resume a family image, which can often just cause confusion for children.
You may think trying to carry on as normal is protecting your children, but all it’s doing is delaying the inevitable and taking away precious ‘moving on’ time from yourself and the children.
Children will respond positively to both parents putting in time as an individual and developing a single parent lifestyle that involves them.
Why it’s better to be honest about divorce with children has more positives than negatives…
As you can see, there are more positive effects than negative when it comes to being honest about your divorce with your children.
It’s a good time to adjust your parenting tactics and give some undivided attention to them, to not only help them through the changes but yourself too.
Children can be an amazing emotional support and can be surprisingly resilient when you give them the chance.
By giving them the right support, it stops any wishful thinking or self-blame being used as the reason parents are separating or getting a divorce.
