There is nothing more heartbreaking than the dissolution of a parent-child relationship. In some instances, this separation is necessary; however, in other cases, there is potential for reconciliation and a meaningful connection to be restored.
Many parents may feel confused about why their relationship with their child has become distant and strained, and children may feel afraid to reach out to their parents after many months or years. In this article, we will discuss how to approach the mending of parent-child relationships to restore peacefulness and fulfillment between you once more.
Table of Contents
Seeking therapeutic services
Before you reach out to your parent or child, consider receiving therapeutic counseling from a board-certified psychologist. In the past, receiving therapy was associated with negative stigmas.
These stigmas have prevented many people from receiving the help they deserve.
There are many therapeutic approaches with scientific evidence proving their effectiveness.
A good psychologist can help their client better understand themselves and their past behavior and move forward more healthily and happily.
You might ask if you need a family therapist to help you mend the relationship between yourself and your child. This is a great question we will explore further.
Individual Therapy
We recommend first receiving psychological therapy with a trusted and licensed mental health professional alone.
When you reserve one-on-one therapy with a psychologist, you can explore some of the questions and experiences in more detail than you would with your loved one present.
Instead of focusing on how your loved one can change to make your relationship easier or better, one-on-one therapy focuses on you and your choices.
You can meet your own needs first, understand your pain, and even begin to forgive yourself and your loved ones, therefore feeling less resentment toward them and letting them show up as they are.
Family Therapy
Family therapy is an excellent option for mediation once you have worked with a psychologist in individual therapy.
Once you understand your own triggers, it is helpful to work with a relational therapist to better understand your child or parent.
A Board-Certified Marriage and Family Therapist is specialized in mediation and relational cycles.
They will be able to point out blind spots you may not see in your relationships, help you navigate conflict, and better understand the needs of your loved one.
They can also offer therapeutic elderly care support as you navigate your changing relationship due to age.
Communicate Effectively
Many relationships drift apart over hurt feelings stemming from miscommunications or refusals for an apology.
When we are seeking to mend relationships, each party often needs to give voice to their pain and create new and healthier boundaries.
Navigating hard conversations can be tricky.
The last thing we want is more conflict!
The following steps are for conflict management from the Society for Human Resource Management and have been altered for personal conflict:
- Arrange for both individuals to confront the problem.
- Select a time as soon as both individuals have cooled down.
- Meet at a place that is neutral for both parties.
- Both individuals clearly describe the conflict and express behaviors, feelings, and desired changes.
- Use I, not you, and focus on specific behaviors and problems, not on people.
- Restate what the other person has said.
- Start brainstorming to find solutions.
- Offer a solution.
- List all of the options presented verbally or in writing.
- Discuss all of the options in a positive manner.
- Rule out any options that both parties agree are unworkable.
- Summarize all possible options for a solution.
- Obtain agreement on the next steps.
- Close the meeting by apologizing and thanking each other for working to resolve the conflict.
Once you can speak about the problem and move forward by honoring your agreement, it may be a good time to make some positive memories together!
Make New Memories
You may feel cautious and not want to “rock the boat” when spending time together.
Try to keep things light and easy.
Refrain from ruminating on the past or bringing up hard conversations too often.
Talk about the present and organize activities that keep you busy!
Here are some ideas for activities you can do together that will decrease the risk of conflict:
- Take an art class together
- Attend a cooking class together
- Do a workout class together
- Attend a dance class together
- Participate in a book club together
- Take up tennis or pickle ball together
- Meet up at a local farmer’s market
