Every stage of a child’s life brings certain challenges, and the late teens and early 20s, when your child is no longer a kid but often not quite an adult yet, is no exception. First, there’s the specter of the empty nest although young adults are staying home longer in greater numbers compared to recent previous generations. Then there’s the big variation in maturity levels and lifestyles at this age. Some may be fiercely independent, ready to move out and start life on their own. Other may need more guidance. The tips below can help you navigate this exciting but difficult time.
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Going to College
College provides a kind of ready-made passage to adulthood for many people, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still tough for parents to figure out how much help their kids need at this time. One way in which they will almost certainly need your assistance is financially. You can take out Earnest parent loans for college on their behalf to help them cover some of the costs. You can also help them with budgeting so that they will be able to make their money stretch through each semester. As a college student, your child may need some help and advice from you on big issues, but it’s also important to step back at this point and let them fight their own battles. They need to be responsible for their own academic success.
Military
There’s help out there for military spouses and about having a family while being in the military, but what if your child is joining the service? How you approach this will vary a great deal if you’re a family with a long tradition of military service versus one where this is an unusual departure. Either way, it’s important to offer support and respect your child’s decision. One of the most difficult adjustments you may face as a parent of someone in the military is that your child may need to withhold some information about their work, locations or other aspect of their lives.
If your child joined right out of high school, the change could feel abrupt. However, the various branches of the military can offer many career and educational opportunities, and they all have resources for parents that can help with everything from talking to your kid about joining to better understanding their options and the work they’ll do and much more. One thing you may want to find out about is the best way to keep in touch and make a plan to do so regularly.
Getting a Job
Some kids graduate from high school and want to go straight to work. If you had other hopes for your child, that they would go to college or join the military, perhaps, you may feel disappointed by this turn of events. However, these are still options later. Maybe they love the outdoors and want to spend a few years working in national parks or as a ski instructor, or maybe they’re simply eager to be completely independent. If your child wants to live at home while working, you’ll have some other issues to iron out. It can be tough negotiating rent and chores with your adult children, and some parents opt to skip this entirely. Part of raising a responsible child is being able to cope with the responsible decisions they make about the trajectory of their own lives.
However, it’s important for your kid to start contributing to the household in some way to help them get better prepared for living independently. If you have a family business and your child is joining you there, you might be very pleased with this turn of events, but there can be challenges here as well. It’s tough to be an employer and a parent at the same time. If you haven’t worked with other family members before, you may need to give some thought as to how you will manage this.
The Bottom Line
Parenting what are essentially brand-new adults is not easy. It isn’t as though the day your child turns 18, you can become completely hands off. At the same time, it’s vital that you start that process if you haven’t already. Find a way to support adult offspring and share advice and information without coming across as criticizing. Overall, this needs to be a process of letting go so that they can find their own resilience and create their own life.
