This is a more practical post that probably every mother can relate to.
Let me start with a little background of my husband and I:
- I am a mom of five kids, and I grew up in a home with three sisters where we celebrated Mother’s Day as a major holiday. So my views on Mother’s Day are very different than other people who had a totally different upbringing. I did not truly realize this until my husband and I had our first child.
- My husband had five siblings, yet his dad never celebrated holidays like Mother’s Day (or Father’s Day). My father-in-law is a stoic, Vietnam Vet, who detests displays of affection based on what he sees as Hallmark holidays. And my mother-in-law, being Vietnamese, did not know anything about “Mother’s Day” until she came to the United States in 1975 and already had four kids! To her, you honor your ancestors all year long, but you especially honor your ancestors around the Chinese New Year and other holidays.
So on my first Mother’s Day, we had this precious little girl who we had prayed for and desired for many years now, and my first Mother’s Day was very anti-climatic! I even cried that first Mother’s Day when I realized that my husband didn’t have a card and present for me! What was his response? “You are not my mother; I give presents to my mother.” I guess that is logical, but I was hurt.
I have changed in these ways:
- I no longer expect big presents.
- I no longer expect breakfast in bed (he can’t cook a thing anyway!)
- I see his love for me in the things he does every day of the year–coaching our kid’s t-ball team, watching the kids when I go out, letting me stay up to the wee hours of the morning and having a messy house when I’m trying to do my blogging, vacuuming the house, playing and reading to the kids, working hard so that I can stay home, and so many other thing . . .)
- I don’t get so emotional anymore and base his love for me on one day of the year.
And my husband has totally changed when it comes to Mother’s Day as well! He sees how that he has to instill that respect for and love of Mom by encouraging gifts of gratitude on holidays like Mother’s Day! Here are some ways that he has done that without some lavish expenditure of money! (Of course, he does not do all of these every year!)
- While I am out, he and the kids clean the house without me knowing!
- He gets take-out so that I don’t have to make dinner!
- He’ll give me the day off from doing dishes!
- He’ll watch the kids in the afternooon so that I can get a few hours of quiet to do whatever I want! That might be just reading a good book, getting caught up on some blogging, or shopping!
- He’ll help the kids make me a card.
- He’ll take the kids to the Dollar Store where they all can pick something out they want to give me.
- The kids will pick flowers for me from outside.
- He has bought me flowers from the store!
- If he does buy a present, he knows what I want. For example, I can only wear earrings that have gold studs. Because of that, I only have one or two pairs of earrings. So he has bought me a pair of earrings for Mother’s Day!
- And he will now buy me a card just from him! 🙂
Of course, the perfect Mother’s Day gift might be something entirely different for you. For me, it’s seeing us together and loving one another. I do want to be remembered, but I am happy as long as I have my family around me!