I was rushing my kids out the door one night for the saddest of reasons: I needed to get them to the sitter so that I could go to visiting hours at a funeral home.
My headstrong son was resisting, and there was no time for resistance.
His grandpa insists that reasoning is the way to go with this boy, so I told him calmly that Mumma had to go somewhere.
And I really needed his help; in fact, that it was somewhere sad and it would help Mumma not be as sad if he would co-operate.
Kind or Mean? A Teaching Game
I don’t know what my dad means by reasoning with him.
But the only result I got was that my sometimes sweet four-year-old started muttering, over and over, words so unkind that I can’t write them here.
My bereaved family members might read this post and be hurt by it. It was that bad.
I scolded him, but I didn’t get into it at that moment because, as I mentioned, we needed to go.
Once in the car, though, I kept thinking about it and knew I had to reopen the issue or let him grow up to be a bully.
After a few introductory remarks (along the lines of “you need to tell Mumma you are sorry”), I had an inspiration.
He seems to have some trouble identifying what “kind” behavior is [or so he claims.]
So I said, “If your sister’s dolly was broken and you said, ‘ha ha, your dolly is broken, your dolly is broken’, would that be kind or mean?” Hence Kind or Mean? A Teaching Game.
“Mean”, he said without delay.
“What could you do instead?”
“I could give her hugs,” he said.
Teaching Game
“Yes,” I said, “Or say, ‘I’m sorry your dolly is broken’ or maybe help her fix it. If Mumma was sad and you knew it and you knew why, would it be kind or mean to say ___________?” I asked, inserting his real remark.
“Mean,” he said, and we went through some better options.
Much to my surprise, he loved this game.
We played it all the way to the sitter’s. We played it all the way home.
We’ve played it several times since. He likes to give me the name of someone we know, and I make up a scenario.
Sometimes it is kind. Sometimes he tells the story and I answer. I don’t have a lot of outstanding mom moments, but I’m extremely thankful I thought of this way to teach.
Now…if your little boy wants to play “Kind or Mean” for the 12,000th time, is it kind or mean to sigh and say…”ok, one more time”? :]
Kind or Mean? A Teaching Game. What do you think of this story?
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Good idea, and I love the pic you have illustrating this. Freezing out or giving cookies. 🙂
wow ‘ am glad you wrote this, i have had similar things happen to me, though my children and now even with my grand babies.. I just trust in my Father Jesus that he will get us through it and help me to teach them and also keep me in check to be patient with them.. thanks for share @tisonlyme143
What a wonderful way to involve his mind and imagination into conjuring up kindness out of his own heart and mind, I think that you’ve really tapped into something for him. Maybe he’ll make a habit of it quickly and he might be over this one really soon, if not, he can just get more and more practice as you do this with him.
I love this! My daughters could definitely benefit from this. It’s a great way to get them thinking empathetically, which can be difficult when they are young. I’ve been doing the “Would you be happy or sad if someone said _______ (whatever she just said to someone else) or if someone _____ (whatever she did to someone else) to you.
I think it is great that you were able to come up with this game to teach your child about the difference between kind and mean. Sometimes the best things happen by accident and you have to realize what they are and grab the opportunity to use them
I like your game a lot. When my son was little I noticed he didn’t have much patience when trying to explain something to me or a friend. I told him many times its best to teach with kindness. I think that worked very well as now he is a “Tech” teacher in a Special Needs school.
Thank you all for your kind words. :] He’s still loving to play the game…