Disclosure: I’m always a little nervous when I write or talk about breastfeeding a newborn. Afraid that I will offend someone. So I’m going to get this out in the open right away: the truth is that breastmilk is best for your baby. I don’t mean that not breastfeeding makes you a bad parent, it just means that you made a choice. Recognize that choice, own it, and, if you truly feel you made the right choice for your family, that’s fantastic. Please allow me to make the right choice for mine.
I had forgotten how messy breastfeeding a newborn is.
I have receiving blankets all over my house and several in my bed to clean up any messes (whether it be from him spitting or me leaking).
If I bought disposable breast pads, we would probably have to eat more beans and rice.
And then there is the smell.
Not quite sure how to describe it.
It’s not a bad smell, per say, but mostly just a wet smell.
And a wet feeling.
All.
The.
Time.
Table of Contents
Let’s Start at the Beginning
I have breastfed two children.
My oldest weaned about a month before his 5th birthday, right at the beginning of my most recent pregnancy.
I was very thankful, because I’m not one of the lucky ones who have no pain while breastfeeding a newborn during pregnancy.
My second son nursed pretty much all through the pregnancy.
He has never had a stellar latch due to a bit of a lip tie and it was rather painful after my milk dried up, so I tried to put him off as much as I could.
Finally, about 6 weeks before my due date, he stopped asking.
I didn’t offer.
It was a strange thought that my first nursed till nearly five and my second wasn’t yet 3 when he weaned (or so I thought, but that’s another story).
Fast forward a few weeks to the birth
You would think with the 30 or so books and countless blogs and articles on breastfeeding that I have read, not to mention the hundreds of times I’ve had the privilege of helping/encouraging mothers on their breastfeeding journey, that I would have it all figured out.
Yet it still took me some time to figure out. Even though I had the experience and education, this was a completely new experience to Baby Bear. It hurt.
My nipples were raw and I felt like crying each time he latched on.
The constantly wet breast pad chaffed.
The engorgement and let down… wow, we won’t even go there!
I remember having adjustment periods with my first two but I don’t remember it being quite this drastic.
I remember sitting on the couch when he was just a couple of days old and my friend, a fellow La Leche League leader, and my birth attendant (midwife) were working in my kitchen.
I thought to myself, “I understand why moms give up. This is tough!”
I didn’t really mention anything to them.
Maybe I was a bit ashamed because I had all the answers and shouldn’t need the support or advice.
But I could have used some encouragement at that point.
One beautiful thing about having the experience and education was that I knew not to give up.
I knew that it didn’t have to be like this.
My body wasn’t used to the little hoover around the clock and it would take time to adjust.
I checked his latch to make sure that he was taking enough of the breast and that his lips were flared.
They weren’t.
He has a little bit of a lip tie.
As soon as I discovered this problem, I was able to correct it (by manually adjusting his lips and the way he latched by reclining while nursing) and move forward.
It felt like I was in pain for weeks.
In reality, it was probably less than a week after I discovered the problem before I was mostly healed.
He’s now two months old
A part of me can’t believe so much time has passed and another part of me feels like he’s settled into our lives so perfectly that he has been here all along. (Just need to interject that he just woke up from napping on my chest and he’s totally starting at me right now, as if he knows that I’m talking about him!)
Breastfeeding has stabilized and it’s totally second nature to both of us
Receiving blankets and breast pads are the new norm.
I could still do without the accidentally squirting myself in the face in the middle of the night but, after three kids, I just wipe it off and go back to sleep.
Was it worth sticking through the pain and the mess?
Absolutely!
Because, let’s face it, this mama-brain of mine doesn’t have enough mental power to remember to bring diapers when I leave the house, let alone formula and all that goes with it!
The only thing I would change: I would have asked for encouragement breastfeeding a newborn, even though I already knew what to do.
What would you have loved for someone to tell you when you went through a rough time with a baby or older child? What kind of encouragement do you need to hear right now?
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I had my fifth back in March. He was my second to breastfeed. I had done this and I knew what I was doing. And then it wasn’t working. It took a lot to adjust and get into the groove. Now at 10.5 months we are still going strong and he’s my longest breastfed baby. Never be scared to ask for encouragement. Even if you ‘know’it, being reminded and supported never hurts!
5 kids? What fun! Glad to hear you’re still going strong. Breastfeeding can be such a gift for both mom and baby.
needed this encouragement today as I ebf for the first time with our fourth! I do not want to supplement like I had to with the others. thanks!!
Congratulations on your breastfeeding journey! Be sure to find a support group, online or locally (La Leche League has groups all over the world http://www.llli.org ) because that support and encouragement can be invaluable.
First, congrats on your newborn. I think breast feeding is hard at the beginning but I guess you just have to get through it. I just have one and we are bf at 19 mo.
Sending you support and the encouragement you need xx
It can be hard at the beginning. I’m so glad I was blessed with a very supportive community with my first so he kind of paved the way for his brothers. And nursing a toddler is a whole other adventure than nursing a newborn is, isn’t it?
Thanks for linking up at Babies and Beyond. I’m pregnant with my third. I nursed the first two until they were a year old, but by then I was pregnant again both times 🙂 I’m not nervous about the third mostly because I know what to expect, but I’m not looking forward to it. Each baby is so different. I had a terrible time with my first, but my second was a breeze. I think experience and confidence have a lot to do with it, but then again, some babies are just naturals. Praying we get another “easy” baby, haha!
Your welcome and I hope that you have a positive breastfeeding experience with your next baby. May you find the support you need to do what’s best for your family 🙂
Dear Tessa, actually, it is not always a choice. I would ask you to reflect on the impact of posting this sort of comment on those of us with health conditions and disabilities that make holding a baby for the time and in the position required to breastfeed impossible. I don’t recognize and own a choice when attempting to breastfeed left me in a state where I could no longer use my arms to cuddle my baby, change her nappy or prepare a bottle. The “choice” rhetoric puts unbearable pressure on new mothers who are *not* able to make a choice. Four years ago, as mother of a newborn, I ended up virtually suicidal as a result. I felt that I had ruined my daughter’s life because I could not breastfeed, that if only I had tried harder, I could have found some way to manage the agony of trying, that I was an unfit mother who should never have had children. That was until an excellent GP suggested that I actually look at the research and said that breastfeeding for 6 months was only better inasmuch as my daughter would have a slightly higher risk of gastroenteritis and that the only significant difference in terms of the immune system was the colostrum at the start (and there are even benefits, which I won’t go into here as I realise pros vs. cons of breastfeeding was not the purpose of your post). My daughter did have a few nasty tummy bugs but that is nothing compared what I and my family suffered as a result of the breastfeeding pressure and the assumption that it must be a “choice” because not all disabilities are immediately visible. As a researcher who has subsequently begun a study on post-natal depression and suicide and difficulties breastfeeding, I would ask you to please think about the effects on mothers in difficult circumstances of labelling breastfeeding a “choice”. You clearly want to support other mums and I wish you all the very best in your attempts to do so.
I also wanted to add a comment for those mums reading this who can’t realistically make a choice about feeding. Having had to stop breastfeeding after a few days, I nonetheless have a very bright, healthy and joyful daughter and (despite being rather obsessed about all the right food groups) I realise that the emotional aspect of parenting is by far the most important. So please if anyone is reading this and feeling even more pressure in whatever difficult circumstances, please don’t beat yourself up – the fact that you care enough to be reading this stuff already puts you on track to being a great mum.
Karen, thank you for bringing up the other side of the story, when breastfeeding isn’t best. I wish I could go back in time and have a cup of tea with you and give you some encouraging words when you needed them most! (Though I would probably have gone all “protective mama bear” on anyone who would have chose to add to your pain at that time.) So many mothers are hurt by people who don’t have all the details. It pains to hear the negativity that so many mothers face because they are not supported.
You are absolutely right that there are certain cases when breastfeeding or not is largely out of a person’s control. Breastfeeding is such a delicate topic of discussion and there is never a perfect way to discuss it. To clarify: what I meant by the word “choice” is that, unless a mother doesn’t have breasts, she technically “can” breastfeed, though it may not always be the easiest or best decision. For example: a quadriplegic mother “can” breastfeed, with a lot of assistance, (here’s a great story about a mom who did, with a LOT of support: http://theleakyboob.com/2012/04/breastfeeding-the-icu-support-and-facebook-support-that-keeps-on-giving/ ) but it may not be the best choice for her family.
I’m sorry to hear that you had such a negative experience. It sounds like you could have used a lot more love and support for the situation that you were put it. I understand that there were circumstances that were out of your control and you felt that not breastfeeding was the best fit for your family. As much as I love and am passionate about breastfeeding my own children, I truly believe that it isn’t always the best for others. In your case, choosing not to continue breastfeeding past those first few days was the best choice so you could continue to care for your little one’s other needs. It sounds like it was a very difficult conclusion for you to come to but I’m sure that your daughter will be eternally grateful for the strength it must have taken for your to come to that point.
And I completely agree with the last part of your comment Karen. If you need to discontinue (or not even start) breastfeeding, for whatever reason, know that the most important thing your baby needs is love. And get some supportive people around you. People who can help you feel good about that choice because no mother should be made to feel like Karen (and countless other mothers) did about doing what’s best for your family.