Unfortunately, in modern times, many marriages end in divorce or separation. This statistic rises even higher when you mix in an autistic child. No matter how loving and understanding you both may be towards your child, the truth is that autism is a very difficult matter, and strain on the marriage is not uncommon. By trying to stay positive about your situation, and by working to keep your marriage healthy, you and your spouse can avoid marital problems and hopefully survive the trying times of raising an autistic child.
Why did you marry your husband or wife?
By asking yourself this question often, you can focus on the good things in your marriage. Raising a child with autism is stressful, and if you are stressed, you have a tendency to snap at another person for the smallest missteps. Instead of focusing on these bad qualities, take some time to enjoy one another the way you did at the beginning of the relationship. This may include spending some time apart from your children. When you find out that your child is autistic, it is beneficial to make sure that you and your spouse are not the only two people with whom your child will respond. A grandparent, aunt or uncle, mature sibling, or nanny are good people to have in your child’s life in the most intimate way possible. This way, alone time with your spouse is possible.
Work together with your spouse to help you child, instead of fighting with one another
It is very likely that you will have different ideas about what to do in certain situations, so be prepared to compromise and always seek professional consultations before making any medical decisions for your child. By working together, remember that you are giving your child the best opportunities. Try to set apart time every week to spend together as a family, especially if one parent or the other is the primary caregiver.
Lastly, seek help when you need it
Part of any successful marriage is spending some time apart to focus on individual needs, and it is no different when you have an autistic child. However, if you find that you and your spouse are not happy unless you are spending time alone, it is time to reevaluate the situation. A family or marriage counselor can help you and your spouse get back on the right track to a happy life together. It might also be beneficial to meet other couples raising autistic children. You are not alone, and it is never easy. By making an effort to keep your marriage happy, even when you are stressed with the task of raising an autistic child, you and your spouse can ensure that your marriage does not end in a messy divorce.
My marriage to my first husband, Devon’s dad did not last.
He could not take the fact that “His son” was autistic. He fathered both of my children but would only pay attention to Amanda, it broke my heart into little pieces. We tried many things, and counseling was one of them. It worked for a while but in the end we parted ways. I know he loves Devon, in his own way, but Devon is not part of his life, and that is fine, Devon has a dad that really cares for him and loves him for who he is, my second husband Ronnie. Ronnie has been a part of my children’s lives for the past 13 years and loves them both like they are his.
Marriages can work out, if you have the strength and love all things are possible. Ronnie and I have that, he knew about Devon when he came into our lives, he knew that Devon and Amanda were my number 1 priority and that Devon would be a constant in our lives, he would not go off to college and marry and all the things that other children grow up and do, Devon would live with us till we were old and couldn’t do it anymore. Ronnie knows all this and wouldn’t have it any other way. Our marriage is strong and I know no matter what we can withstand the stress and fatigue of Autism. Our love knows no bounds and Devon is a huge part of both of our hearts, he will always be my baby.