Toddlers and preschoolers are a challenge and so is improving toddler behavior.
They are learning what they like and what they don’t like. They are becoming people, with sometimes often irrational opinions.
Every child passes through the ‘terrible twos’ and ‘tremulous threes’ in their own way.
My fourth son is just entering this phase as he is now 22 months.
I see glimmers of it appearing every day.
This has caused me to contemplate ways that I have made the twos and threes turn terrific with my older boys.
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Prepare to Love the Stage
There is something about ages 18 month to 4 years that I find magical.
They learn to talk and say things so adorably! DatDat means blanket and uck means milk.
It is so precious that I almost don’t want to teach him the right way of saying it! They learn to run and climb, but still love their mommy.
Believe me, the good outweighs the bad.
Make a conscious effort to enjoy it.
Baby Them
This is a trick I have learned that works very well with older toddlers and preschoolers.
When a little one is refusing to cooperate, whether it be putting on his shoes or washing his hands, step down your expectations exaggeratedly and help him ALOT.
If normally putting on his own shoes is a breeze for him, act like it is something he is too little to do.
This often brings out the independence of 2-3 year olds and helps with cooperation and hopefully improving toddler behavior..
Am I manipulating?
Absolutely.
Forget Time Outs
I’m not saying time outs are terrible, or don’t work, as I use them quite effectively with my first two kids.
I have learned that with my third son time-ins improve his behavior far easier and faster than time-outs.
Each child has their way of asking for attention.
Carson (DS #3) does this effectively by getting into everything and causing chaos wherever he goes.
Although not always possible, I do my best to take the chance to grab him for a big snuggle and some one on one time when I see these behaviors spike.
If I’m busy trying to ‘get stuff done’, I have learned I save far more time by taking just a couple moments to be with him.
Let them Win
This tip takes some finesse. When you are trying to get cooperation, be ready to compromise, without giving up control.
I’m certainly not a pushover parent. I am not known for letting my kids run wild. But I do know how to negotiate.
One battle we have often is getting dressed. At 2, Carson was happily dressing himself and now at 3.5, he refuses almost entirely.
I still start by trying to get him to dress himself (he has two younger siblings and I need to encourage independence).
If he is clearly not going to get all his clothes on by himself, I often step back and ‘make a deal’.
If he gets undressed, I will help him get dressed.
This does involve more effort on my part, but saves the time of a total meltdown.
I still was the boss, but we both compromised.
Give Him a Choice
You’ve probably heard this one before.
When you are asking your child to do something, like pick up their toys, always give them a choice.
Remember a lot about the challenging behaviors we see at this stage is establishing control and improving toddler behavior.
It can be as simple as ‘do you want to pick up 5 toys or 10?’
Either way, you get some toys cleaned up and you have given your child some control, which is often what they are begging for.
I would love to hear your best tip for dealing with 2-3 year olds
More related reading; Are You Dealing with a Stubborn Toddler? How to Help your Child feel Confident at School and 5 Ways to Help your Child Prepare for School.
I have 2 boys that are now teenagers. When they were younger, they were (and still are) a handful. I should have tried more of the compromising but when I did, they were smart enough, and stubborn enough, to throw a fit until I did whatever I had told them to do. They listen now because I take something they love (like the Nintendo DS or TV) away for a specified amount of time.
Thanks for the info!
It’s so true that what worked with one child may not work with the next. It’s really good that you are in tune enough with your child to discern this.
I am enjoying it! But it takes up lots of energy!! These are some good tips. I agree about the “Time Ins”
A friend of mine is trying a new thing of saying yes. e.g. one kid doesn’t want to go swimming she says yes, but he can’t stay home alone so he has to come with. Then watching his brother he feels left out so lands up swimming after all. So it’s like you say yes at first and then get them to change their mind later!
Such great tips!
I have an almost 6 and a 3 year old right now. Very different boys. And I’m sure the baby will be different than either of his brothers. It really comes down to knowing your child and what he/she needs from you. My oldest acts out when he doesn’t have enough emotional connection so time-ins worked really well for him. My middle son requires logical (to him) explanations as to why things need to be a certain way. It can feel so frustrating trying to reason with a 3 year old but, if don’t properly, we have very low conflict levels in our household. My friend has a boy she can convince to do anything by simply saying “There’s not way you’ll be able to do that.” He then does it, just to prove her wrong. Her other son just needs it made into a song or game.
wow i think you said a great deal which will certainly help others out, i think the biggest key here would be Have A Lot Of Patience.. i have dealt with many 2 yr and so on lots of times i just give them space, or sometimes i will say , hey you how about you grab that book and i will grab this one, lets do a reading together, its amazing but it actually works, one of my grand-daughter and grandson actually look forward to the time out sort of loll funny how things work out , oh yes they cant spell out the words on the book, its a what ever the picture is , they just tell me the story and then its my turn,, … ok i’ma gonna stop talking now loll